After my lesson on dating I had one of the teens text me. During our conversation they asked "How do you know if you complete someone." I then realized that I may have made a mistake in not thoroughly explaining what I meant. I don't want to give anyone the idea that "completing someone" is the Christian version of "being in love" because it's not.
Before I get into it though I want to say something about love. I am not going to deny the fact that we have these feelings of infatuation that we like to call love. I completely understand how these feelings work and the part they play in attraction. However, I will say this. These feelings we call "being in love" can have little to do with love itself. It really is a shame that we have even coined the phrase "in love" to describe them, but it certainly helps in understanding why there is confusion when it comes to love. Love is more then a feeling. I do believe it involves feelings, but it is not entirely comprised of feelings. Love is more of a state of mind and it requires a lot of action. The best way real love can be seen is through actions that are done out of a desire to see the best and right thing happen to/for another person. We have done ourselves a real disservice in allowing our culture to define what love is. If we want to know what true love is then we need to look to the one who has exemplified the greatest act of love the world has ever known.
With that said, when I say that dating is to find the person you complete I am not speaking of it in the same context of the world's concept of "being in love." In fact, there may be more freewill involved in finding your mate then what many of us Christians believe. I and others have made statements such as "I know that God has someone perfect picked out for you." The truth of the matter may be that God has several persons in mind that he would like you to choose from, or he may have a type of person in mind that he knows you will be good at completing.
I also need to be sure to say that we need to have the proper perspective of what it means to complete someone. I can just see Christians using the "I complete them" excuse to keep them in their codependent relationship. The fact is, both parties in a marriage are to complete each other. This means that if you are dating and your partner is not completing you then you need to dump them!! Completing is mutual act. It is done by both parties. A person should never use the excuse "I complete them" to stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are the one putting everything you have into it and your partner does nothing to contribute but just take, then you need end the relationship ASAP.
One other thing. A married person may use the idea of "complete one another" as an excuse to leave their partner realizing that they didn't have the right intentions or motives when they married. Let me state it plainly. GOD HATES DIVORCE!!! There is no excuse, except for one that he has given in scripture, for divorce. If you find yourself in a marriage where you realize you don't complete each other understand that completing is a choice. To complete one another takes a selfless attitude on the part of both parties involved. It is looking at your partner and saying "how can I help my partner have the best life possible?" Completing your partner is not some mystical thing that just happens. It isn't two people miraculously finding that they fit together so perfectly together that their life will never have problems. I've always said that marriage is the hardest job on the planet. Completing each other takes a lot of hard work, and it isn't something that is completely accomplished in this lifetime. It is a process that is constantly happening.
Completing is work. It is selflessness. It is love...and it is wisdom!!! The best way to complete your spouse is to continue to grow into "completeness" in God. The best thing you can do for your spouse, or your future spouse, is to mature as far as possible in your own relationship with God.
Go and grow in completeness!!!!!
Before I get into it though I want to say something about love. I am not going to deny the fact that we have these feelings of infatuation that we like to call love. I completely understand how these feelings work and the part they play in attraction. However, I will say this. These feelings we call "being in love" can have little to do with love itself. It really is a shame that we have even coined the phrase "in love" to describe them, but it certainly helps in understanding why there is confusion when it comes to love. Love is more then a feeling. I do believe it involves feelings, but it is not entirely comprised of feelings. Love is more of a state of mind and it requires a lot of action. The best way real love can be seen is through actions that are done out of a desire to see the best and right thing happen to/for another person. We have done ourselves a real disservice in allowing our culture to define what love is. If we want to know what true love is then we need to look to the one who has exemplified the greatest act of love the world has ever known.
With that said, when I say that dating is to find the person you complete I am not speaking of it in the same context of the world's concept of "being in love." In fact, there may be more freewill involved in finding your mate then what many of us Christians believe. I and others have made statements such as "I know that God has someone perfect picked out for you." The truth of the matter may be that God has several persons in mind that he would like you to choose from, or he may have a type of person in mind that he knows you will be good at completing.
I also need to be sure to say that we need to have the proper perspective of what it means to complete someone. I can just see Christians using the "I complete them" excuse to keep them in their codependent relationship. The fact is, both parties in a marriage are to complete each other. This means that if you are dating and your partner is not completing you then you need to dump them!! Completing is mutual act. It is done by both parties. A person should never use the excuse "I complete them" to stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are the one putting everything you have into it and your partner does nothing to contribute but just take, then you need end the relationship ASAP.
One other thing. A married person may use the idea of "complete one another" as an excuse to leave their partner realizing that they didn't have the right intentions or motives when they married. Let me state it plainly. GOD HATES DIVORCE!!! There is no excuse, except for one that he has given in scripture, for divorce. If you find yourself in a marriage where you realize you don't complete each other understand that completing is a choice. To complete one another takes a selfless attitude on the part of both parties involved. It is looking at your partner and saying "how can I help my partner have the best life possible?" Completing your partner is not some mystical thing that just happens. It isn't two people miraculously finding that they fit together so perfectly together that their life will never have problems. I've always said that marriage is the hardest job on the planet. Completing each other takes a lot of hard work, and it isn't something that is completely accomplished in this lifetime. It is a process that is constantly happening.
Completing is work. It is selflessness. It is love...and it is wisdom!!! The best way to complete your spouse is to continue to grow into "completeness" in God. The best thing you can do for your spouse, or your future spouse, is to mature as far as possible in your own relationship with God.
Go and grow in completeness!!!!!
3 comments:
Hey PB! I really like this thought - "In fact, there may be more freewill involved in finding your mate then what many of us Christians believe. I and others have made statements such as "I know that God has someone perfect picked out for you." The truth of the matter may be that God has several persons in mind that he would like you to choose from, or he may have a type of person in mind that he knows you will be good at completing." I've thought along those lines before myself!
Thanks for speaking the truth so boldly Brian. It is so awesome to hear how God has grown you and continues to. I respect you and your heart for God and His ways!
I'm assuming this is my cousin Tammy. Thanks!! I really appreciate your encouraging words.
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